10/06 Update: Since we no longer write for the Edmond Sun, this section is temporarily housing our podcast links for our iTunes feed. All of the columns are in the archives menu if you feel like exploring. These columns (as well as the 'releases') come from weekly content that we write for the Edmond Sun, out of Edmond, OK (though we live in Chicago). This page contains the archives for said column, many of which are in their pre-published, unedited state. Some titles and editing by Brendan Sinclair. Column Archives: Doom Movie reviewFriday, October 21, 2005 Usually, after seeing a movie based on some other license (be it a piece of literature, an old TV show or, as in this case, a video game) fans of the original series tend to grow angry after seeing how their beloved franchise was butchered on the big screen. The problem with the Doom movie is just the opposite – this is actually a little too close to the gaming world. What that means is you get the same bland environments, uninteresting characters and standard set of weapons, only you are forced to watch others make stupid mistakes rather than do them yourself. The plot resembles what you would find in a Resident Evil game much more than the typical "minions of hell are invading a Mars research station" plot that the Doom video games all have. Basically, some scientists were playing god again, stupidly injecting a 24th chromosome into humans. Like the T-Virus in RE, this causes the humans to become murderous monsters who refuse to wear clothes. The biggest surprise was the complete lack of action for most of the movie. Instead of having a swarm of evil creatures constantly attacking dispensable characters, we are forced to watch them slowly slink around in darkness, twirling their flashlights to and fro but not actually seeing anything. Sure, building suspense for ten minutes or even an hour can be immensely rewarding, but with a lifeless plot and cliche characters, the journey becomes almost unbearable at times. The excess waiting would be worth it if the payoff delivered. Sadly, that is not the case. While the Doom universe is populated by flying skull demons and fire throwing imps, Doom: The movie only throws a grotesque humanoid and a pink little piggy at the characters. The thrill of seeing Ugly Demon #3 on screen for the first time quickly fades when it reappears in every action scene for the entire movie. If you were excited to see this movie and now feel sad that I've ripped it so thoroughly, don't worry; it isn't a complete waste of time. Near the end, they finally strip away any semblance of plot and character and focus on the pure action the video game is known for. First person perspective in tow, the movie features the same frantic pace and clever enemy placement of the games. From planting a land mine underneath some creepy being to whipping out the chainsaw to battle a beast in close combat, those five minutes almost made the rest of the movie worthwhile. I have two more random observations that don't fit anywhere else in my review. First, though the Rock does obtain a BFG (Big Force Gun?), he only fires it twice and never actually hits anything. How lame is that? Very. Also, and this has nothing to do with the quality of the movie I just thought it was funny, there is a part late in the movie when someone is scanning a room full of dead bodies. For some reason, one of the bodies has a torn shirt and, for a brief second, her dead breast is exposed. I feel sorry for the extra that lost her dignity for one second of footage in an average movie, but was thankful for the random comic relief. Other than that, there isn't much to it. Not even The Rock, who I secretly admire for being so good at what he does, was able to push this movie to respectability. And, while seeing a character named after franchise co-creater John Carmack was amusing, they should have poked some fun at Jon Romeo. He helped design the first Doom games only to form his own company with disastrous results. Sure, only a few diehard fans would have laughed, but why not have a little fun? Overall, I would say this is slightly better than Shawshank Redemption but not as enjoyable as Good Burger. - Tom |
